"Stop that crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!"

If you heard this as a child, you're not alone. What was once seen as an acceptable way to speak to a child has, fortunately, fallen out of fashion.

But there are those days. Cranky kids who will be satisfied by nothing. Children acting "spoiled." Kids pushing the limits of what they can get away with. Whether the child is 2 or 15 doesn't matter. It's frustrating, even anger-provoking, for a parent.

There are answers, and they don't involve special education or hours of learning. Once put in place, they have a double bonus: they make parenting easier. These ideas are not in a particular order; they all work together.

Take care of yourself. A parent who is healthy and at least relatively happy is a better parent. If you aren't in that situation, that's no excuse to treat the child differently, but take a look at which measures you can take to enjoy your life more. This will help you be more patient and loving when dealing with discipline.

Understand the environment. Children are much more likely to be cranky in certain situations: very hot/cold weather, a stressful day at school/daycare, on vacation, when there is family tension, when bored, hungry, thirsty, etc.; and anytime their normal routine is altered. This does not excuse any form of behavior, but put your discipline in context. If you've been at the mall all day, your young child probably does feel like squalling. Don't we all sometimes?

Give clear, consistent expectations and consequences. If a child "gets away with murder" at a family reunion and then is whipped for speaking up at the dinner table, he will grow up confused and distrusting of adults--and, if spanked, is shown by research to be more likely to be violent himself as an adult. Set clear, fair guidelines. Explain them in a way each child will understand. Tell them the consequences, and enforce them. If you're having difficulty enforcing them, it might be because you aren't consistent or that the consequences are too harsh.

Understand the way children are supposed to act for their age.

Save yourself unnecessary grief. An example is trying to teach an exploring toddler by slapping a little hand when they get close to an electrical outlet. It's all right to point to an outlet and explain to a child that it is "very hot," and will "hurt" and is a no-no. But childproof your home! Ask the grandparents to do so as well, and expect daycare to have childproofing already in place.

With a curious teen exploring the ways of the adult world, why not lock up the liquor cabinet? Or decide to have cocktails only when you're out to dinner and never at home. Talk to your teen about drugs in a non-lecturing way. Be sure to have that all-important talk about responsible sexual behavior. This conversation would ideally start at an early age, as soon as a child begins asking about her/his body parts. Many things for which we discipline our children are easily avoided!

Encourage during the good times. Praise your child when he or she is doing what's right. Don't overdo it, with a compliment about every little thing the child does, or it will become less meaningful. The old adage is true: it's easier to catch flies with honey rather than with vinegar.

Don't assume or use assuming phrases. A classic line is, "You know better!" Most of the time, a child does not! Avoid general phrases that parents have used forever. Explain your disappointment using "I" phrases, telling how you feel.

Discuss the behavior, not the person. It breaks anyone's spirit to think they are inherently bad. Imagine if you were at work and the boss said, "It's not that the project is that hard--you're just stupid!" Yet we speak that way to our children when we say, "You're a brat today!" or "Johnny is better than you! Why can't you behave?"

Decompress before you get home. If you work outside the home, don't let your work troubles, the commute and other hassles bring you to the exploding point when you get home. Remember, your child has also spent a full day in daycare or school. He has had stress, too. Let your home be a gentle, safe haven for your family. That's the way to create warm memories and build a loving family.