1) Take time for yourself each day. In our fast paced world, we often neglect taking care of ourselves. It’s easier to keep your cool when you have nurtured yourself and met some of your own needs.

2) Know what to expect from your child developmentally so your expectations are realistic. If we know that developmentally toddlers are supposed to say "no" to everything we say or that as adolescents move towards independence, their developmental task is to challenge their parents, it’s easier to not take things personally. When we take things personally, that’s when anger and defensiveness often sets in.

3) Be sure that your communication is clear. Sometimes kids seem defiant and don’t do what we ask because they haven’t understood our expectations. Use short statements; make one statement at a time; be visual with what you want (e.g. demonstrate, use pictures).

4) Listen to your child. Listening and understanding is not the same thing as agreeing. The best way to show the child that you are listening and that you do understand is to "say out loud" what your child is feeling, wanting, or needing. When kids feel like they are being heard, they don’t have to "up the ante" – misbehave even more – to get our attention.

7) Call the Parent’s Life Line. 303-433-KIDS (Denver, CO). When you need more than tips, call the Parent’s Life Line and talk to one of our volunteers who are trained to respond to parents in stress.

For more information about classes, workshops and training offered through Nicholson, Spencer & Associates, visit their web site at www.nsatraininginstitute.org or call 303-433-6449 in Denver, Colorado.